Wednesday, 22 October 2008

tell me a secret of love or lost love

Hello. 
I am in the third year of my textiles degree studying BA Hons Printed Textiles Design at the University for the Creative Arts in Farnham, Surrey. I am currently working on my major project, and it's theme is the secrets of lovers and lost lovers. I am planning to print interactive wallpapers which will act as a comfort device for the user. They will have pockets which open up and for those in love will contain pens and paper to write love letters to their loved ones, for those with broken hearts the pockets will open up to provide tissues, and other comforting things. 

So far my research has taken the following routes:

Part 1: I handmade 40 envelopes, each unique, with a stamp on the outside. Inside each envelope was two slips of paper. One paper that listed the directions for the project (eg: write your name, tell the truth, answer the questions, my address to post it to, and a request for them to include a photograph of themselves), and another paper which said "What is your name?", a randomly selected question (eg: what do you collect? what is your favourite word in the english language? etc), and finally "Tell me a secret." The responses I received were mixed and extremely varied. 

Part 2. I handed out slips of blank paper and asked people around campus to tell me a secret about love or lost love. The responses I received have been so far so good. 

For the final part of my research for this project I am writing this blog and asking everyone to visit it, and post anonymously a secret about love or lost love. I do not need to know your name. Just tell me a secret. It can be as heartfelt or heartbreaking as you want. I will not know which secrets belong to who. 

Post away, thank you!
Just click on comment, and leave an anonymous comment. 

214 comments:

1 – 200 of 214   Newer›   Newest»
Anonymous said...

my favourite part of our relationship was when i was sleeping with two other people. he was cheating on me anyway.

Anonymous said...

...when you left with her, I knew I would never get over you...I would just pretend.

Anonymous said...

sometimes i wonder how i got lucky enough to find someone that i love so much, who treats me so well, who i connect with on every possible level, and who loves me infinitely.

other times i wonder if, despite my current happiness, i will ever be able to forget the one that i used to love this much. i'm not in love with him anymore, but sometimes i just can't help thinking about him.

Anonymous said...

i said i liked his record collection just so he would sleep with me. he had bad taste in music, but he was beautiful.

Anonymous said...

Every time I speak to her I have to be strong for her and pretend that I'm ok, when really I'm screaming inside. I'm tired of waiting, but there's nothing else I can do, otherwise I'd be kidding myself.

Anonymous said...

one time when i was 14 i told a boy i was anorexic so he wouldn't dump me. haha.

Anonymous said...

I had a girlfriend who was really clingy!!! (madley in love with me!) So i had to let her go!!!
Turned out i really liked her! When i asked her to get back together, she said...no!
Mind you, i don't blame her! I was a drug addict!

Anonymous said...

I still love the first and that wasn't half as much as I love this one. I know how this ends. I saw it from the start.

Anonymous said...

I left in the night...

Anonymous said...

I long to be loved (by anybody) the way that I love (him)

Anonymous said...

I am always looking for love, I never find it, I always get hurt yet I still keep searching...

Anonymous said...

You are happiness. You are home.

Anonymous said...

you will never forget your first love no matter how long you try but this doesn't mean you can never find true happiness with another

Anonymous said...

Friends first,
Lovers second,
Many years of happiness follow.

Anonymous said...

Is this love lost or is is just missing?
I miss devotion, i miss the bliss

and...

I miss the girl that I am in love with.
I keep seeing hints that she is still there.
All I need is for her to see herself too.

Anonymous said...

i miss love, the joy and the pain.
the feeling of being alone with someone watching tv, being absolutely silent and knowing, that nothing will ever be as good as that.

Anonymous said...

i have never been in love; despite thinking i have, and saying i have, i know i haven't. and i'm afraid i never will.

Anonymous said...

I was in love with her, but she broke my heart in a text lol i can kinda see the funny side now... but its been a year now... and I'm still in love with her :(

Anonymous said...

I love my best friend. I keep telling myself I don't but I think of him every minute of every day.
He knows we'd be perfect together, I'd give him everything she can't. But he stays with her. I went to a uni 200 miles away from home on the pretence of it being a good uni. It wasn't. It was to be closer to him.
We joked about running away together once. He didn't know I meant it.
I'll keep waiting for him.

Anonymous said...

I've been in love once, but no one knows. I know he didn't feel the same way, so I kept it to myself, that way I can keep telling myself that it was all in my head, and I don't love him.

maybe i should stop lying to myself?

Anonymous said...

I found the one whiles I wasn't single, i fell for him straight away and ended it with my previous boyfriend. You just know when you've met the right one, as the feeling is a thousand time better then you've ever had or could ever imagine, Were now engaged two years on.

Anonymous said...

I started dating him because our relationship was easy and loving and I knew you'd never hurt me, but I was wrong, all this lack of passion is hurting me more.

Anonymous said...

my best friend slept with my boyfriend because I had slept with her crush months before. My heart broke, and it had nothing to do with him, I didn't even like him really. But HER, it was her I had really had the crush on.

Anonymous said...

im in love and it feels so magical. i can't imagine life without this feeling.

Anonymous said...

I think we need to stop the games and just work it out. I know we will always be together...too many years, too much history, too much love to throw it all away...

Rogue Laudát said...

love can hurt you, love can heal you love can do a whole lot of things you didn't know it could do. I found love and I found it when i was least expecting it. 4 years and married.(my secret is I'm trying my hardest for him to love me more so he doesn't ever stry) I love him more than i love the air I breath, he does not have a clue what i'd give up or do for him within reason. My all, my life he is my Mister world. Love you Juggernaut. you know who you are.

Anonymous said...

i say "i love you" too much. but i mean it every time. he thinks it makes the word worthless. but i cant help it.

Anonymous said...

After being gone for a year my secret crush came back into town and looked me up, he told me he had always fancied me and now he was on the market...I invited him over know I was gonna shag him silly as I had dreamt about for 2 years. when we got to bed it was the most dissapointing sex I had ever had, with the person I had fantasized about the most. After the second round he had to go to a meeting, so he asked if he could come back afterwards and take me to dinner. I said NO, I had other plans sorry. And I never called him/ returned his calls again. That day I learned what that reality doesn't live up to fanatasy....but I still think of him. He was soo hot!

Anonymous said...

Everday i think about her. I know that she is the one and i will be with her forever. I will never fall in love like this again. She is the one. Now i just need to tell my boyfriend.

Anonymous said...

I have a crush on my teacher

Anonymous said...

He is the one for me and i think about him everyday. I tell him everyday just how wonderful i think he is. He is the first thing i think about in the morning and the last thing at night. He is truely amazing and i cant believe my luck that he is mine. He is the one.

Anonymous said...

every step i take in this thing we call life.. i breath her. she is my life support. if i could i would eat her.. so forever we could be together. if only she would recognise the way i feel for her. when i see her in the s.u shaking her fine self i melt. melt like small love-sick child. she makes me hate myself yet i love her more for it. my only escape would be death...

Anonymous said...

is it wrong that i dont think i could love any1 more than my mother? shes my dream woman.

Anonymous said...

...loves just a game. a losers game. dont fall for the trap...no1s truly happy in love. what a sham!

Anonymous said...

I've been seeing the past in one eye and the present in the other. So, I thought I could only see patches of reality, never the whole picture. I felt like I was watching a dream I could never wake up from. Before I knew it, the dream was over.

Anonymous said...

when i was a child my dad would always say; "no1s good enough for my little princess" .. so is it my fault that i live by this? it was drummed into me as a child so subconsciously no1s good enough...

im sure he wouldn't have wanted me to end up a lonely old queen :(

Anonymous said...

i like to tell myself im strong enough, Strong enough to be a good partner, to be kind and caring and to never let myself be tempted, but ive never been strong enough to do anything right, maybe the truth is im just afraid

Anonymous said...

teach me how to love. show me the way to surrender my heart.

Anonymous said...

I love myself more than i could ever love anyone else. I am sorry but im just so amazing

Anonymous said...

we were close friends, also lovers, we did everything for one another. now ur gone and im lost without you here. but i know ive got to live and make it somehow. it hurts, its been way too long and im just lost without you. what am i going to do? ive been needing you and wanting you. i wonder if your the same and who has been with you. is your heart still mine. i want to cry sometimes :(

Anonymous said...

he told me that he loves me (i never ever thought i'd hear him say that) but it just made me sad... he won't be around next year and these feelings will fade and die (his words).
the last thing i will do before he goes is tell him how much he means to me.

Anonymous said...

i would do anything for love.. but i wont do that!

Anonymous said...

i try so hard in relationships but i honestly just think that i'm the only one doing any work. i don't understand how guys cant appreciate this. its only because i care. they just think i'm a bunny boiler. i don't get it! grr to love!!

Anonymous said...

growing up in a religious household, i now have strong views about pre-marital relations. some may think i am a stiff but its just the life i lead. ive found it hard to find someone who understands. for some reason guys always thought they could tempt me to the "dark side". they never truely loved me. but ive found someone who understands. he used to play the field but he has given it all up for me. even as far as no sex before we are married. i believe i have found true love

Anonymous said...

2 months on since we first got together and I still get butterflies everytime I see him.

Anonymous said...

Thirty seconds ago my GREAT love told me that he has been doubting us.
I haven't had a doubt about him since the moment we met.
Bring on the suffering.

Anonymous said...

Life goes on as it never ends, there's no conrole, are you with me now, your every wish will be mine. Show me the meaning of being lonely, is this the feeling i need to walk with? Tell me why i cant be their in your arms, there's something missing in my heart.

Anonymous said...

Im looking for some hot stuff baby tonight! yeah

Anonymous said...

im in love and i know he is the one. so why am i getting feelings for someone else? i know someone is going to get hurt but i can't help the way i feel. loves a bitch!

Anonymous said...

i sleep with people because i wan't them to love me. you will find me in the s.u if you want to love me.

Anonymous said...

i love buttons and ribbons. you could say its a fetish.

Anonymous said...

i fell in love with you the moment we met, after you finished humping my leg of course-- all despite the fact that i fuck boys!

Anonymous said...

a million love songs later and there you are

Anonymous said...

Im just so cute that sometimes i worry that the only reason people love me is because they want to take me home and put me in a cage and stroke my hair. I enjoy it though. Is that what love is ment to be?

Anonymous said...

i met a guy and we had a meal. he looked so mysterious like an artist/poet. he wore a scarf. the kind of guy in my fantasies. every1 teased me saying i was in love! i wasnt!!

Anonymous said...

I had an affair with my teacher's husband and i think about him everyday

Anonymous said...

A close friend recently told me that she loves me. She moved out of her house to a house down the road from me to be closer to me. She said she can't bare seeing me with other girls, it breaks her heart to see me happy with another girl. I told her that I dont want a relationship with her, just friendship, but I still persist to go to her house in the early mornings, drunk for sex. I just like the fact that someone likes me that much

Anonymous said...

I love the colour violet. It makes me hard

Anonymous said...

none of my friends think my boyfriend is good enough for me. but what do they know? im in love with him. and he is perfect in everyway even if he does look a bit weedy!

Anonymous said...

I want to find love but i am just so lazy. I cant be bothered to do anything let alone find love

Anonymous said...

my fiancees mother drives me insane!! shes making my life hell. my man should be standing by me but hes his mothers son. what i do for this man!

Anonymous said...

If 'love' is what i witness through my housemates relationship then i don't ever want to find it!

Anonymous said...

i love hair dryers

Anonymous said...

im dirty.. dirty by name dirty by nature. the men love it!

Anonymous said...

My friends and collegues are all doing it but you know what, i just want to be left out of it all, im past my best

Anonymous said...

A man said that he would make me love him, but i made a promise i never would. That promise i made is starting to fade. No.

Anonymous said...

I used to fancy one of my close friends and i was completely obsessed with him, I would sometimes cry myself to sleep because I knew I could never tell him how I felt and that it could never work out for many reasons. Now we hardly ever talk to each other because I thought it would be easier for me to be mean to him and shut him out of my life. Fact is he probably doesn't even care or think about me but I still think about him most days. I am just about over it now I hope.

Anonymous said...

sometimes i get lonely and just want a cuddle only a boy could give

Anonymous said...

i still cry every single night and i feel worse now than all those nights i cried lying next to him, because i was so blind to see that he really did love me, even though he couldn't say it.

Anonymous said...

Love is being with someone for 2 months, them becoming ill, sitting naked on the toilet, diarreha from one end, sick from the other & me just standing there & watching it all, rubbing his back with a cold flannel & just thinking how beautiful he still looked.

It's being together for 18 months, going your seperate ways for a while but still planning your future together whenever you get the chance.

The feeling is paramount.

Anonymous said...

I don't know how I feel about them anymore.Do I love them as much as I did? Is this just the next stage of a relationship, content and comfortable? Or will I continue to feel this way?

Anonymous said...

Every time I say 'I love you' I really mean it.

Anonymous said...

I fell in love with her the first time I saw her.
Today is her birthday, 17 years later. Every time I am with another girl I fell like I am cheating on her. We spent two amazing nights together two years ago. I can't help but think that I will never be with someone else I want to be with so much, and it is all down hill from here. Vicky I love you, and wish I could tell you to your beautiful face.

Anonymous said...

recovery from a break needs a few things to be successful, the first is alcohol! the second is support, the third is denial, the fourth is acceptance and the fifth is friendship with the person you once loved

hope this helps!

Anonymous said...

When I was 14 I thought I was in love. In retrospect I barely even liked her.

She was incredibly Christian. We were dating. Her mom got a job offer out of town and she was going to move. I prayed for the first time in my life, asking God for her to stay and promising him that if she stayed I would believe. A few weeks later she broke up with me, a week after that her mom decided not to move because she was given a sign from God.

Ten years later and I still don't believe. She got pregnant when she was 19, married at 20 and divorced at 21.

Anonymous said...

i used to think love was when you felt like you were looking at the most perfect creature on earth and you'd die a million times for him, you'd do anything, because he was your world.
now i know what that really was, and i know what real love is like. it's amazing. there's no need to put someone on a pedestal to love them, people always fall.
loving someone who was never what you claimed was the 'perfect man', then realising who they are is so much better, is a wonderful thing. it's not infatuation, or hopeless romanticism, which is how i used to live. the love i have now remains certain and complete. although he's in a different city and i miss him, it doesn't cause me pain because i'll see him again soon. a relationship that makes you smile, not cry, is what it's all about. it's loving your best friend and enjoying every moment together, not needing to dramatise because of some deep 'love'. i dont want to die for him, i want to live with him forever!

Anonymous said...

I want to have it all.


I want to have it all, and I'm starting to realize that wanting that is what makes it impossible to have.

Anonymous said...

i just want his body

Anonymous said...

Stop right there thank you very much. I need somebody with a human touch. I just wanna have some fun.

Anonymous said...

I have meaningless sex with strangers because I'm scared that if you leave me, I wont have anything else.

Anonymous said...

I could stare at him for hours on end and not get bored. The best thing about it is he stares back.

Anonymous said...

I love him but its not the same. it never will be.

Anonymous said...

Amongst all the fights and all the tears, she still forgived me. She never wanted to hurt me, so why did I hurt her? I saw the hurt in her eyes, broke her heart into bits, the same way my heart is now writing this to you.

She was always was there for me, helped me with lifes problems, while doing it all with a smile.

She made her mark, her footprint on my heart and now I can't live without her, because, when I was with her it felt like we were the only two people alive.

I looked her in the eyes and said, I love you. Why did I let her go?

Anonymous said...

She doesn't know I’m alive, let alone know that I'm crazy about her.

Anonymous said...

What does love actually mean?

Anonymous said...

she's sexy and mysterious, i just want to know her more. When i see her wearing safari i just melt. Who are you Jun, please just tell me?

Anonymous said...

i'm in love with a stripper

Anonymous said...

every step you take, every move you make, i miss you. Cant you see you belong with me. My poor heart aches. I've waited so long to tell you this but i do cherish you, form the depths of my heart, its beyond my control. I will love you still. I do love you so much.

Anonymous said...

im out of love, set me free. let me out this misery!

Anonymous said...

Sexy, everything about you so sexy. You don't even know. You've got to learn to let go. Give me just a little bit more.

Anonymous said...

I LOVE YOU JESUS

Anonymous said...

i used to carve boys names into my skin when i was in school. every time i had a new crush i would do it. it felt very liberating at the time. i was sure i was in love with each and everyone of them...you should see the state of my arms now :(

Anonymous said...

love.. so many people use your name in vain.

Anonymous said...

Love is a mountain, love is a river, love is that star up in the sky, love is that little bit of hope, love is the world's greatest gift. But above all i just want penetration

Anonymous said...

a little bit of self-love never did a girl any harm! (wink wink)

Anonymous said...

Girls just wanna have fun!!

Anonymous said...

Life is a roller coaster. I just wanna ride it.

Anonymous said...

Friends? You want to be friends? F**k you. Go die in a fire.

No, don't do that. Because when you realise that you've made another mistake I want to see the look on your face.

I loved you and I think you were too scared to admit you felt the same. You p***y.

You won't defeat me you selfish p***k. I was upset before, but I've had time to think and you know what? I'm better than you and I won't let you ruin me. I will be happy.

Yeah, I'll be your friend. So you can watch as I move on and get over you. So you can watch me find happiness with someone else.

Anonymous said...

I thought i was in love for two years, i thought that was what love felt like and now i realize it wasn't Love, it was just not wanting to lose a best friend to someone else and now i've lost you and the thought that that was love.

Anonymous said...

I can see why people cheat on each other, being years in a relationship its the same old thing and you want to feel like you did at the start of the relationship, im not staying i have cheated but cant say i have not thought about it :)

Anonymous said...

sometimes i wonder if cheating is in mans make-up and wether women should just learn to accept it?

Anonymous said...

i want to be loved by him, just him and nobody else but him.

Anonymous said...

i dont no if this is a love secret or more like a love dilema. but i fantasize about my girlfriends mother wen we make love. i secretly love her. never thought i could have such strong feelings for two women at the same time. let alone mother and daughter.

Anonymous said...

there is no love stronger than the love our lord jesus christ has for us all. spread the word

Anonymous said...

if you leave her, i'll leave him. lets pack our bags. dnt say a word. lets go far away to another place. we can fly away. just you and me..

Mr K you know who you are. have faith in us, it wont be like this forver. i love you x

Anonymous said...

In all of my relationships I question if it's love or just lust I'm feeling, so much, I end up not loving them at all. And it's only getting worse.

Anonymous said...

Love isn't blind; it just only sees what matters.

Anonymous said...

The kiss originated when the first male reptile licked the first female reptile, implying in a subtle, complimentary way that she was as succulent as the small reptile he had for dinner the night before.

Anonymous said...

Love: Before I heard the doctors tell The dangers of a kiss; I had considered kissing you. The nearest thing to bliss. But now I know biology and sit and sigh and moan; six million mad bacteria and I thought we were alone!

Anonymous said...

When I saw you I was afraid to meet you. When I met you I was afraid to kiss you. When I kissed you I was afraid to love you. Now that I love you, I am afraid to lose you

Anonymous said...

if i has to choose between loving you, and breathing. I would use my last breath to say I LOVE YOU.

Anonymous said...

love is... a guy going down on me :D

Anonymous said...

all this love talk is driving me bonkers mate

Anonymous said...

stop thinking it and start feeling it!!!

Anonymous said...

How else but through a broken heart may Lord Christ enter in?

Anonymous said...

love isnt just love, love is what you pretend to have in a bored momentum

Anonymous said...

I like my men like i like my chocolate: Rich and dark!

Anonymous said...

Everything i do, i do it for you. You know who you are Mr A

Anonymous said...

I can hardly believe that I get to be married to my best friend...is it possible that it literally is as perfect as they say it can be???

I have a funny gut feeling that it really is...

Anonymous said...

I can't cope.

Anonymous said...

date rape

Anonymous said...

Every time i tell my boyfriend i love him i see your face.

Every time we have sex i feel your body.

Every time a walk down a street alone, i wish you'd walk past me.

Every time i wait for the train at Waterloo i wish you'd find me through the crowd.

I wish those songs wouldn't dance around in my head at night.

I wish i could forget that you lied and cheated.

I wish i could love again, the same way i loved you.

But i know i never will...

Anonymous said...

we were never really a great couple, i think i might have been some sort of rebound for him, we were together a good few months though...4 or 5 maybe, we split in the end because he cheated on me with his ex and he could never quite get over her.

what annoys me the most is i actually fell for him, i was infatuated by him, the split had me in tears for days....one year on and im in a perfectly stable and amazing relationship, what my current boyfriend doesnt know is that i still cry over my ex at least once a week sometimes more, my ex doesnt know how much he really did hurt me and it still kills me every time i think about it....i dont think i will ever be 100% over him.

Anonymous said...

i like a good spanking. im a naughty girl

Anonymous said...

i wana lick you up and down til you say stop. let me play with your body baby make me real hot. let me do all the things you want me to do.. cos tonight baby, i wana get freaky with you :P

Anonymous said...

Though we're apart, I'm still in love with you and I don't think you realise how much.

I just wish I could get over you.

Anonymous said...

love is a violent thrash in the middle of the night. it's a feeling that makes you want pull and push at eachother so much to make the other's blood run cold. it's a glass of red wine, the rim lined with arsenic. I love the person I love soo much, I want them to not exist anymore.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes we concentrate our love in all the wrong areas. I spent all my teenage years chasing boys that meant nothing, then lost my mum suddenly when I was in my mid 20's. I wish I had spent more time loving her than stupid randoms.

Anonymous said...

My biggest regret is telling him that I didn't love him when I did

Anonymous said...

my greatest love was on the internet. she said the right words at the right time. we had a connection. then she turned out to be a man.

Elena said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I am scared that the love I have I will lose, I am scared that I do not love enough.

Anonymous said...

they're both friends of mine. and complete opposites. unaware the other exists. i want them both.

Anonymous said...

He is the love of my life, he is the one I want to be with forever, I would do anything for him, give up everything and anything. Its perfect. But one thing. Maybe its me, maybe I'm jealous of their relationship. I know he loves me and I know I am his world, but I still can't get past one thing... his sister. Think of the guy that Rachel went out with in friends who was just a little too close to his sister. It freaks me out, but its not just me who thinks that their relationship is weird and too close, even his best friend warned me. Their touches and hugs are just that little bit too long, their little jokes, the fact that apparently we come as a three when we're with his friends. I can't stand it, its driving me crazy, it makes me feel sick and repulsed. I've tried to block it out of my mind and be her friend but its just so creepy. I wish I knew what to do, it's not something that I can just talk to him about, but i know that if i don't talk to him or if something doesn't change then it will ruin us.

Anonymous said...

I look at you sleeping next to me, your so beautiful I could look at you forever. You know I love you and spend the rest of my life with you. To be with you, I hurt so many people, it used to matter to me, but I don't care now. You the most important thing in my life, I don't work with out you, I just don't function. I feel like we are in our own little world when we are together. I'm sorry I get down sometimes, I'm sorry I can be difficult to deal with, you know its not you, its just the way I am. You make me the happiest I've ever been, and I know whatever happens in the future, we can deal with anything. I want to make you as happy as you make me, if not more! You are my one, chicken, my beautiful love! I even love it when you fart on me every morning, because you know I give as good as I get! The one thing I would never forgive you for, is if you left me, because it would break my heart so bad I would never recover.

Anonymous said...

Does it count as lost love if they never even has the slightest interest in you in the first place?

Anonymous said...

I don't want to know what real love feels like. I don't ever want anyone to have so much emotional power over me.

Anonymous said...

I have never been in love and personally i dont know what its like; only from what i've read in books or seen on tv. For the time being i have decided not to go looking for it as i'm in my 3rd yr and need to concentrate. I'm hoping it (love) will find me when i'm not looking...when my back is turned...catch me unawares! Thats what i'm hoping. Its only a hope.

Anonymous said...

I dont want to let you down the way i have been. You deserve better.

Anonymous said...

I never understood how the person I loved more anything in this world could turn out to be something I totally didn't expect. We loved each other heart and soul. I can't even remember where it went wrong. We spent 3 years fighting for it to keep it together, and yet before it was so easy? You're with her now. I hate the fact you love her. I don't love you anymore but I hate seeing you do those little things for her that you did for me. It makes me sick to think of your pet names for each other that you've probably got. I hate the fact you moved on so fast. I'm not stuck on us, but I just wish I met someone first. Just so you could see what you gave away. Its all just a very painful game. Frankly, I'd rather have my legs broken.

Anonymous said...

i'm scared of falling out of love..and of people doing the same with me.

Anonymous said...

Seeing you with her hurts even though i don't love you anymore...
Its the fact that, that was once me...

Anonymous said...

I don't know why you love me but I'm glad that you do

Anonymous said...

I wish i could make it all come back, relax and let me fall in love with you again...

Anonymous said...

We don't want the same things out of life and that terrifies me because I never want to lose him

Anonymous said...

It's hard to relax
with a tax
on my feelings

Where your affection is shared
and I'm scared
of the ending.

Anonymous said...

At first loving you was really hard. So many things were telling me that it was the wrong thing to do, that it wasn’t worth it. I couldn’t help it though; I’m addicted to you. I felt like I couldn’t speak to anybody about it, trapped my mind running wild. I found it so hard to read you, try to understand if you felt the same way about me that I felt about you. Then the day came when I knew I was in love and would do anything to have you in my life. I had to leave you for a few days to understand how much I need you in my life.
I was in one of the most beautiful countries in the world; a once in a life time experience and all I could think about was coming back to Berkshire to have you in my arms. Since then our love has grown strong, we spend our days and nights together, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Im not saying that its all smooth sailing, we are complicated people, but you are the best thing in my life. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you, experiencing the world and life with you. I’m so excited about the future, I want to make you my wife, raise a family, see the look on your daddy’s face as he walks you down the aisle. You’ve changed me into a better person, showed me what love really is. You’re here for me in my time of need and I know with all my heart that I will be there for you in yours.

Thank you for loving me, my beautiful little chicken.

Anonymous said...

I lie to myslef, and worse I lie to everyone around me. I tell them I don't love her anymore, but I still do. Through all the pain, money, time, and extreme heart ache she has caused me, I can't stop thinking about how much I love her.

Even worse, I hide her from the person I'm intimate with. She has so much to give but I selfishly think about my ex instead.

Anonymous said...

it's a struggle to look after myself now you're gone.

Anonymous said...

we'd've been newly weds.

:'[

Anonymous said...

i am so incredibly in love to the point of bursting. it's terrifying.

Anonymous said...

every guy i find, i campare him to him, so it never lasts.
he doesn't even know i exist.

Anonymous said...

I would've loved to date her, but more than anything I just really want to be her friend! I wish there wasn't this awkward tension between us every time we meet because she thinks I'm in love with her.

Anonymous said...

I wouldnt want to love me, its just too painful.

The man i lost my virginity to killed himself a year after, crashed 4 cars and evemtually it worked, my family still dont know nearly 4 years later but it has broken me, how do you deal with it?
Then this year (January 27) my boyfriend at the time, his brother died in a motorbike accident. I think about them both everyday, they are the reason i am who i am. There is a common theme, everyone i have been with has either hurt me, or there has been a death of some sort. So i figure being with someone is not worth the pain and suffering for either of us. I can't be hurt again, i just can't.
On the other hand i wish i could love, i want to be happy. What does it feel like?

Anonymous said...

i say i am over her, but even looking at pictures of her turns my stomach and makes me miss her even more.

Anonymous said...

I hate who I've become and I don't believe any of the people I love like me anymore either.

Anonymous said...

It wasn't a case of I didn't love him, I never gave it a chance. I was too preoccupied by what my friends would think that I just went through the relationship never giving myself fully to him. Now, I'm afraid I'll never know how to give my heart to another.

Anonymous said...

She was perfect. I hate to compare everyone to her but I do and I will. It's not fair on them and it's not fair on me.
She destroyed me and I hate her for it. She is the only one I can't forget. From her red hair, her piercings, her tattoos, every inch of her I remember all of it in perfect detail.
No-one compares.

Anonymous said...

i could never really fall in love with anybody.
i've convinced myself i was not in love about a million times.
now that i am in love, and i am happy that i was never in love before.

Anonymous said...

Love consumes your soul and can take over your life. It can be obsessive, you can give so much to that one person that you totally forget yourself, your belief's and become a different person all together.

Focus on friends, familly and appreciate life... No matter what. Happiness does not come in the form of a signifficant other. Be yourself and you'll have all the love and happiness that you could possibly wich for. For richer, for poorer, til death do you part x

Anonymous said...

When you are present in this moment, you break the continuity of your story, of past and future.
Then true intelligence arises, and also love.
The only way love can come into your life is not through form, but through that inner spaciousness that is Presence.
Love has no form.

- Excerpt from Eckhart Tolle's Stillness Amidst the World

Anonymous said...

I go to that greek restaurant, practically next door to my place and sit down to eat and think simultaneously. It's the same restaurant where we went a few times, the same place I met your massive brother while he was here with his wife (now ex-wife) and I wonder nwo fi I'll ever end up as your ex-wife. Seems impossible. Doesn't seem possible to ever throw hateful words at you, doesn't seem possible to ever hate you enough to never want to see you again.

Anonymous said...

Love is like being stabbed in the heart.

Anonymous said...

If love is just a game, how come it's no fun. If love is a game, how come I've never won?

Anonymous said...

i loved you from the start...you just didn't care.

Anonymous said...

I love him more than anything, but still I know he is not "the one" and I am scared to look for "yhe one" because I don't really want to find her....because it would mean hurting him.

Anonymous said...

I know I am going to end up hurting him, how long can I put it off and hurt myself instead.....

Anonymous said...

every night I look at his sweet face and see how much he loves me..and I still cannot really FEEL how much he loves me...maybe what I see in his eyes is just a reflection of how I feel about him..

Anonymous said...

we made love on a bed of ferns a week after we broke up, it was the best sex we had ever had, but I still did not want to take you back. I had a lot of mosquito bites.

Anonymous said...

I left my ex-girlfriend almost three years ago now. We were very much like each other, in so many ways, and I suppose that was really the problem. We were always very good at manipulating one another, good at provoking one another, bad at pulling the other out of their sadness in the bad times. In retrospect I know that I was obsessed with her, in a way that I don't think I ever will be with anyone again. I don't think I'm capable of it- those neurons are long since burnt out. She was my idee fixe. I thought about her literally all the time, every day. My jealousy when she would be out without me, when she was with another guy, was a corrosive, poisonous sludge in the deepest pit of my gut.

So, three years on, usually I look at the girl I left her for, and I am grateful the fact that I know I will never feel that way about her. She will never consume me. Occasionally, though, I dream about my ex. I dream that I am with her, and I am obsessed again, and I am happy, because it is real and I am full of fire and passion and anger and poison again. I can hear her voice just as it was and I can touch her face and make love to her. As I realize it is a dream, and that I will never have her again, she invariably smiles and tells me that she still loves me. I beg her, if she is having the same dream, to give me a sign, to call me.

She never does, and usually, I am grateful.

Anonymous said...

My greatest fear is that I'll never know what it's like to kiss her.

Anonymous said...

I like you so much, but I don't want to be like one of those silly girls I see vying for your attention. So instead, I pretend I don't care as much as I do in hopes you'll want what you think you can't have.

In reality you probably don't even think of me at all.

Anonymous said...

it's been just over a year since you did it to me. the ultimate betrayal that i never saw coming, the one you promised me with all your heart that you wouldn't do to me.
was i too stupid and naive..or simply too in love with you to even anticipate that you could cheat on me?
i loved you with all my heart, and even though you told me the same back...now that i think about it i don't know if you ever really meant it.
i know you know how i feel and i think you make my pain constantly worse by hanging around and following where i go, what i do.
maybe if you left me be, i would have gotten over you now, moved on.
but the truth is i haven't, because you are there everday to remind me. everytime i see you with her, it makes me die a little more inside. you don't see the smug look on her face as both you walk past me...she lets me know what she's taken everytime.
i think about what you did and how you made me feel everyday and yet it doesn't reason what you did to me, or even how cowardly and selfishly you told me what you did.
you made me feel worthless...that you didn't even have the bollocks to say it to my face...OR even phone me.
i have tried to move on but everytime i even get close to someone who is worth a million of you...i think of you. then i choke up. and then that's another thing ruined by you.
i can rant that i hate you and that i will never forgive you... but it won't chage the fact that all i want is to love again and for you to release me from your trap.
and to tell me you are sorry.

Anonymous said...

i love how you could have me whenever you wanted me and i was to weak and blind to see you where using me..you would snap your fingers and i would come running,that was until i stopped playing your games....


now that tables have turned i can have you whenever i want to.. god i love being a woman in control!

Anonymous said...

I left her behind in Hong Kong, but it wasn't until my second night in Bangkok that we really called it quits. I left for downtown frustrated, angry, and looking for trouble. Thing I didn't realize is that you don't look for trouble in Bangkok, it looks for you.

I had spent a good five, six hours drinking myself stupid with a couple of good friends at the seediest bars we could find. Eventually, the bars closed down, and we moved onto the streets, sitting on carpets in alleys, buying whiskey out of coolers from sharp looking thai women.

We were walking home when one of those carpet-bar proprietresses pulled up next to me on a black motorcycle, wearing all black leather. She told me to get on. I did, gleefully, the anger and self-loathing in me literally jumping at this chance to do something truly horrible, to thumb their noses at my ego and self respect.

So that's how I ended up bombing around downtown Bangkok on the back of a motorcycle driven by a drunk hooker.

I blacked out in one of the bars she took me to, and came to laying in bed in some guesthouse. She came out of the shower and lay down next to me. I was too drunk to fuck, to my frustration at the time and undying relief afterward. She took all the money I had on me and left me in the morning sun on the sidewalk. I felt awful, realizing for the first time that this was who I really was, that I chose to be this. A drunk john sitting on a Bangkok sidewalk at 6 AM. All I wanted was to go back to Hong Kong and be an illusioned boyfriend again.

It took me days to get the sickly sweet ketones of her perfume out of my clothes.

Anonymous said...

I wish you were less grumpy in the mornings.

anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

love has torn apart my friendship with my bes friend.
it has changed her, and her priorities aren't what they used to be.
i'm not jealous, just sad to see what a powerful thing love can be...and how a 8 year best friend relationship has slowly started to fade in the 6 months she's been with him.

Anonymous said...

I think about her at least once a day. Lately more. But it was eleven years ago.

Anonymous said...

i would love not to be scared of my own sexuality. not to flirt then recoil when there is the slightest chance of someone actually wanting to sleep with me

Anonymous said...

why is it that both the guys i have loved the most ran off with the girl they said they never liked as more than a friend?

LOVE'S NOT FAIR.

Anonymous said...

Foreplay was so good, i couldn't wait to sleep with him...


i was very disapointed.

Anonymous said...

we just had our first pregnancy scare.

it was terrifying, but having him here made me feel safer than i have ever felt before.

even though we were both relieved to see "no" across the strip... one day we'll be hoping for the test to read "yes".

i love him so much.

Anonymous said...

i wish SO much that i had the safety the person above has, i also wish i could know who i will (hopefully) have children with one day

Anonymous said...

sometimes i think about how we'll be together forever, and sometimes i think about how easy it would be to get over him.

Anonymous said...

somehow, even after everything you've done and everything people say, i just know we're supposed to work it out. i feel like i'm an intuitive person...and this just feels so right.

Anonymous said...

when i think about getting married it makes me feel sick, but it makes me depressed thinking about being alone forever.

i'm in love with someone that i can never be with because i dont want to ruin our friendship.

Anonymous said...

i'm not attracted to him anymore and we stopped saying i love you months ago. i just want things to end but i'm afraid of how he'll handle it.

Anonymous said...

we've been together almost six years but i would end things in a heartbeat if i thought there was still a chance with the one that got away

Anonymous said...

we were together for several years, the love was intense and steady, the break up was long, drawn out, and heartbreaking, the aftermath is thankful -- i think often of less a quality of life i would be living had i stayed with him

Anonymous said...

Of all the relationships I have been in (a mix of a couple long and committed mixed with a few light daters) and all the gifts, memories and intimate talks that were a part of them, the one whose memory makes me tingle is the 3-night stand

Anonymous said...

I have learned that love will not work until you figure out who you are. If you try to love before this point you will be lost and allowing of the other person to mold you to who they want you to be- it won't work in the end if this is what happens. Take time for yourself, figure out what you ACTUALLY care about, what interests you, and what you want to do in life. You cannot love anything person without being someone yourself.After 2 years of reflection I have realised this is why the last time around just did not work

Anonymous said...

I don't understand the progression of relationships. After 7 years with the most amazing man, a man I still love with all my heart, the love is still strong yet the butterflies, the spontaneity, the excitement is gone. I never want to leave him - he is truly my soul mate - but the movies only tell you how to fall in love, not how to stay in love.

Anonymous said...

We were together for 2 years. He was a great guy and we both believed we would get married, but he was slowly smothering me with an emotional immaturity that I did not understand. One day I caught him peeping at girls in the shower at my communal. It turns out he has been doing it for a long time (he has even watched my sister...) and that he has been addicted to porn for a long time.

I broke up with him, but I promised I wouldn't tell anyone because I still cared for him and knew it would ruin his reputation.

That was many years ago. Although he broke my heart, we stayed friends & kept in touch. The other day he told me he is getting married. I asked him if he has sorted out his addiction, because it will probably take the same route it did with us. He was kinda vague and elusive about it, but 'promised' he would. I have tried contacting him since, but he doesn't answer his phone or reply to my emails anymore. He has simply shut me out.

I have not told anyone ever about this (as I promised), but it is breaking my heart... not just for him, but for his new unsuspecting wife.

Anonymous said...

He told me he was starting to feel more guilty about cheating on her even though he knows she is not the one...but i love him enough to let him go and be happy, he'll be back.. i hope

Anonymous said...

I love him more than anything, but sometimes love isn't enough.

Anonymous said...

i just don't know how to tell you, that's all

Anonymous said...

He used to come home drunk and hit me and I always thought I deserved it. He would tell me how bad a person I was and that no one but him loved me. I felt like it was an after-school-special that I was watching on television. But did I ever believe it?

Anonymous said...

There was one time in my life, only once, where I gave absolutely everything to someone. I gave them everything I could give, and they too, gave me everything they had. It's been over for such a long time now, and I am so scared every time I compare someone to him. Every time I meet someone new, I find myself comparing them to HIM. Is he doing the same with people he meets? He says he misses me, and I miss him too, he knows this. Would I be a coward to go back? I'm only afraid of what other people might think.

Anonymous said...

The heart may be the weakest part of me.

Every piece will be consumed by the love my heart endured?

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